Plain Tales from the Surgery

Ego booster

I was overwhelmed with joy when I read an entry by one of my colleagues in a patient's notes: 'The patient finds Amit very helpful. Mood is now better.'

I smiled when I realised that my colleague meant amitriptyline and not me.

Dr Amit Paul, Doncaster, South Yorkshire

The mouths of babes
While out shopping my wife bumped into a family friend and her little granddaughter who had that morning come in to see me in surgery.

The little girl proudly said she had seen the doctor that morning, so my wife asked: 'What did the doctor do?'

Sadly the child replied: 'Nothing, he was only playing on the computer.'

The truth finally is out.

Dr Guru Singh, Shepshed, Leicester

Choose and blush
Yet again the marvel that is the 'randomly generated password' in Choose and Book has thrown out something completely inappropriate.

This time to an immensely embarrassed 30-year-old man who was dragged along by his wife to discuss a referral to the fertility expert.

He had a known low sperm count but his two words were 'tight shorts'.

I did struggle to offer an explanation.

Dr Rob Rosa, Salisbury, Wiltshire

Vegan overdose
A very confused female patient of mine came to see me in surgery the other day to try to help piece together the recent cardiology consultation that her mother had attended at the hospital.

'It's something to do with having too much of her vegan nerve. It's just that for the past few months I have been taking some of my leftover stew over to her. I have been using vegetable stock to make the stew and I was wondering if I have been overdosing her.'

Luckily, I was able to reassure her that her culinary delights had little to do with her mother's vasovagal symptoms.

Dr Andy Cohen, Bushey Heath, Hertfordshire

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