Plain tales from the surgery

Sock it to him


I was seeing a middle-aged gentleman with erectile dysfunction. I was enquiring about morning erections and whether they had changed. He stated that he used to be able to drape one sock over his manhood while he put the other one on, but now he has to put the other sock on the bed.

Dr James Penn, Leeds, Yorkshire

Immaculate conception
Our fifth year medical student was fine-tuning his history taking skills, ensuring that he hadn't missed out any gynae questions when he interviewed a pregnant lady who had had some vaginal discharge.

'Are you sexually active?' he asked. The patient looked at him for some time before breaking into fits of laughter.

It took him a few more seconds to catch on and luckily he saw the funny side as well.

Dr Andy Cohen, St Albans, Hertfordshire

Papules suck
I recently saw a gentleman in his twenties who was very concerned about something that had appeared on his penis. On examination, what he was concerned about were pearly penile papules.

I reassured him that these were perfectly normal, but suggested he should monitor the condition and return to me if there should be any change.

He ended the consultation saying 'OK doctor, we'll suck it and see then shall we?"

I had great difficulty in keeping a straight face, but thankfully he immediately saw the funny side, although he was very embarrassed. Definitely one for my memoirs ...

Dr Jeremy Honeybun, Abergele, Conwy, Wales

Bowels champion
I take delight in how 'typos' change the mental image a letter creates. A well-preserved elderly chap had undergone surgery for bowel cancer. His consultant reported: 'Mr X is making an excellent recovery; he has taken up bowels as an activity.' It's good to see that colorectal surgeons never stop thinking about the job.

Dr Barney Tinsley, Harrogate, Yorkshire

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