Plain Tales from the Surgery

Acid islands

A patient who came to see me and said: 'Doctor those lanzarote tablets don't seem to work and am still having dyspepsia symptoms.'

I soon realised she was on lansoprazole and altered the medication. I'm not sure what name she will come up with for omeprazole.

  • Dr Dinesh Reddy, Coventry, West Midlands

Paraplegic support
Having been called out on an emergency to see an elderly patient in his warden-controlled bungalow, I was concerned when I could not get an answer from his door bell or phone.

Fearing the worst I knocked on all the windows, but with no reply, until a helpful neighbour came out to inform me that the paraplegics had already taken him to the hospital.

  • Dr Sally Hodder, Weymouth, Dorset

Critical assessment
A young woman came to my surgery accompanied by her five-year-old daughter. The girl stood next to my desk, silently studying my every move.

At the end of the consultation I printed a prescription, signed it with my usual flourish and gave it to the mother.

Without a glance at me the child followed her mother out of the room with the words 'Mummy, that's not writing.'

  • Dr Michael Green, Stockport, Greater Manchester

Allergic to children
During a regular afternoon surgery, a young Polish lady came to see me with a florid red rash on her face which had appeared overnight without any warning.

When taking the history, I asked if she had any allergies. To my surprise I received a very matter of fact response: 'Yes, my children.'

Initially astonished, I reassuringly discovered she had misunderstood me and was trying to tell me her children have had allergy tests but not her.

I know our children can be hard work at times, but for a minute there I thought I had made a genuine new discovery.

  • Dr Sanjeeve Sockanathan, Greenford, Middlesex
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