Plain Tales from the Surgery

Raising the blood.

My receptionist recently returned to work after a period of maternity leave. She had suffered from hypertension in the latter stages of her pregnancy.

When I asked how she and her baby were, she said she was fine, except for her labial BP.

I'm only hoping she doesn't ask me to check it!

Dr Heidi Miller, Shenley, Hertfordshire

Any probs, ring me

At the beginning of my registrar year, I sat in as one of the partners inserted a pessary for a vaginal wall prolapse. She said to the patient: 'If the pessary is too big it may cause discomfort, if it is too small it may fall out. In that case, just give me a ring.'

When she noticed my smile, she realised what she just said.

She corrected herself: 'Don't literally give me the "ring", but give me a phone call instead.'

Dr Eunice Man, Hamble, Southampton

Narrowing channel
During the last outbreak of 'winter vomiting virus', an elderly gentleman came to see me concerned about his poor urinary stream.

I was about to suggest his symptoms may be related to changes in his prostate gland, but before I had a chance, he asked: 'Do you think it could have anything to do with this narrow virus going around, doctor?'

Dr Shalin Bhattessa, Eastcote, London

Digestive deprivation
I decided to stop buying biscuits for the coffee room in an attempt to help with diets, when I received the following email on EMIS.

'Subj: Lack of biscuits

On behalf of the McVitie Committee we are writing to you to request reinstatement of biscuit ration. Certain members are suffering from custard cream withdrawal, rich tea rigor mortis, cookie crepitus, digestive deprivation and party ring piles! If you wish to keep your ginger nuts and hobnob intact please reinstate asap!!!!!!!!'

Needless to say, normal service has been resumed.

Alasdair Wilson, practice manager, Southwold Surgery, Suffolk

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