Plain Tales From The Surgery

Choice of referral

I referred a 60-year old chap recently with rather horrific looking piles.

The poor chap had been to see me for a number of consultations and all usual means of gaining control had failed.

I had no choice other than to refer him via Choose and Book to a local specialist.

As I was doing the referral I explained the process and that he would have to phone a central number then quote his special password code taken from two words from the dictionary.

It was then that I noticed his was 'Hot Shapes'. He had the good grace to laugh about his predicament.

Dr Rob Rosa, Salisbury, Wiltshire

Ticking over nicely
Have you noticed how patients of different ages describe their symptoms differently? It's always an older patient who has a dicky ticker, a younger one with a heart attack.

But recently I discovered that there can be an occupational influence also. I was consulted by a garage mechanic, who told me he had a pain in his nearside testicle.

Fortunately I was able to reassure him that there was nothing seriously wrong - but I did advise him to give himself a periodic MOT.

Dr Peter Watkinson Chobham, Surrey

In search of 'Marina'
I recently received a note from a patient asking for an appointment to discuss 'Marina Coyle'.

After being unable to find records of any such patient, the penny dropped and I booked her into the family planning clinic to discuss having a Mirena coil fitted.

Dr Mark Grocutt, Birmingham

A problem with gas
While doing triage during an out-of-hours session I returned a call to an elderly patient who answered saying that she wanted me to phone a plumber.

I said I was a GP, and that she needed to ring a different number to get a plumber. She replied, 'I know you are a GP, but I need a plumber to fix my gas heating.'

Dr Gehad Hassanein, Dundee

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