Plain tales from the surgery

Doctor's note
A local headmistress in her forties came to see me with recurrent thrush 'down below'. I gave her a prescription but said she should 'abstain' for a while to let any inflammation resolve but she said her husband was rather insistent.
I asked: 'Do you want a note?'
She found this amusing, but declined the offer.
Dr Paul Weston Smith, Ilkeston, Derbyshire

Change of heart
I was quite concerned about a patient of mine whose wife had just died. He was so distraught that I felt he was a potential suicide risk.
However, much to my surprise, he recovered quickly and within six weeks had married his wife's sister.
There is no accounting for some people's behaviour.
Dr Sheila Edwards, Chinley, Stockport

You must be nuts
I was performing a post-natal check on one of my female patients and we came to discuss contraception.
She told me that her family was complete and said: 'I think it's time my husband did his bit, so he can have the snip.'
We talked about vasectomy and I said I would discuss it with him.
'Go to reception and book an appointment for him to see me,' I said. 'Then we'll get the ball rolling from there.'
She looked at me and said: 'Oh no, I don't want them to go rolling - just the snip will do.'
Dr Paul Heinink, Dagenham, Essex

Well, blow me
A patient had seen the doctor and been told to go to reception to book a blow test because it was thought that 'spirometry' would not have been understood by them.
On approaching the receptionist, the lady then proceeded to ask if she could book in for a blow job.
Our reception staff were unable to work for the next 10 minutes because they were laughing so much.
So much for plain English.
Dr Gillian Pickavance, Wolverhampton, West Midlands

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