Plain Tales From The Surgery

'I need to revise the death certificate I just handed you,' my GP partner said to a nurse with whom he was working.'What's wrong? she asked.

'It's a little embarrassing,' he muttered.

Then, pulling her aside, he whispered: 'I was in a hurry when I signed it and I accidentally wrote my name under 'cause of death'".

Dr Waseem Aslam

Welshpool, Powys

A patient attended our practice a while ago and when I enquired how I could help, she said: 'It's smears.'

I noticed from my computer screen that, in fact, she had not responded to several invitations for cervical smears, and so I went on to say that although this is an examination that most ladies prefer not to have, it is an important part of health screening.

I added that though our nurses usually take our cervical smears, because she had attended that day, I would do so on this occasion.

At this point I noticed that she was looking rather puzzled and anxious. When I asked if she had any particular concerns, she said, more clearly and slowly this time: 'I said, it's me ears.'

She had in fact attended because her hearing was impaired.

Perhaps I should take a leaf out of her book.

Dr Clive Barker

Chorley, Lancashire

I took a deep breath before a mother, who has been at her wits end, came to see me with her son again.

He has been continually in trouble with the police for offences including repeated burglary.

However, this time she was quite upbeat and felt that he had turned over a new leaf and put his old ways behind him.

She then mentioned that she was overjoyed with the gold necklace that he had bought her. It was a gift from him for her birthday.

I'm not so sure that it was actually a new leaf that he'd turned over.

Dr Andy Cohen

St Albans, Hertfordshire

I had prescribed Proctosedyl and Posalfilin respectively to a patient with haemorrhoids and plantar warts.

Some weeks later when she came to see me about something else, I inquired about her prior complaints.

She replied that her piles had disappeared but the warts were stubbornly resistant.

On further questioning it dawned on me that she had applied the wrong preparation to the wrong place.

Dr Nihal De Silva

Croydon, Surrey

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