Plain tales from the surgery

Young at heart

When I was a trainee, I attended a 92-year old lady who had had a small heart attack; she was stable but I was concerned when she refused to consider hospital.

I voiced my worries to my trainer, who knew that the lady’s daughter ran a nursing home so he suggested I referred her for some rehabilitation there. I suggested this to her at my next visit.

She fixed me with a steely eye and said: ‘My daughter’s nursing home is for geriatrics; I am not one of those yet.’

Dr Vivian Stevens

Warminster, Wiltshire

Anatomy lessons

A while ago, I was asked to visit a lady in her late 30s, with lower abdominal pains.

After examination, I told her it was probably the start of a bladder infection and advised her to have her urine tested. I gave her some analgesics and was about to leave when she said: ‘Is everything ok with me, doctor? Are you sure it is not my prostate?’

I confidently replied: ‘I may not have made a final diagnosis, but I am absolutely certain that it is not your prostate.’

Dr V K Seth

Sully, South Glamorgan

Diet secrets

Recently, I visited an elderly widow who had a number of complaints. I was dealing with each of these until she asked me what could be causing her to have ‘sexual urges’.

They had been happening for several weeks and she found them distressing. I told her I didn’t know and we moved on.

A few minutes later, I thought she had discovered the answer when she said: ‘Another thing that I’ve recently noticed is that I’ve been eating very erotically’.

She hastily followed this up with: ‘Oh, sorry, I meant erratically’.

Dr Joanne Chadwick

Chorley, Lancashire

Memories

A pleasant lady attended my surgery this week. She reported that she had never been the same since she had a head injury years ago.

The hospital specialist told her that after such an injury she was likely to get two problems. She told me the first of these was poor memory, but she couldn’t remember what the other problem was.

Dr John Parrish

Kingston upon Thames, Surrey

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