Plain tales from the surgery

Fun rations

About a month ago I started a 70-year-old gentleman on an ACE inhibitor.

As usual I started him on a low dose and gradually increased the strength of the tablets, so I gave him what the manufacturers call the ‘titration pack’.

He came back to the surgery this week for me to check his BP. With a twinkle in his eye he said: ‘My wife and I have got a bone to pick with you. We’re not too old to enjoy ourselves, you know.’

My pleas of innocence led him to explain what he meant: ‘You’re trying to limit my fun with a tit ration pack and inside it says it will reduce my chances of having a stroke.’

Dr David Moseley

Hope, Sheffield


Saved by the siren

Recently I was enjoying spending a well-earned Sunday afternoon off-duty catching up on some gardening when I was interrupted by the arrival of two elderly ladies peering through my hedge.

‘Coo-ee,’ said one. ‘Are you by any chance a doctor?’

‘Yes, I am,’ I replied, ‘how may I help?’

They then recounted a lengthy and convoluted story. They knew two of my partners and, on finding that one was on holiday, had trailed around the village for quite some time looking for the other, only to find that he too was not at home.

They proceeded to tell me that a very helpful Scottish lady in a blue anorak, walking a long-haired terrier, had apparently suggested that I may be able to help, but she was not entirely sure where I lived…

‘I am sorry to interrupt,’ I said, trying not to sound too exasperated by the circumstantial detail, ‘but what is it you actually want?’

‘Well, my dear,’ confided the second lady in a hushed whisper, ‘somebody has collapsed at the village hall.’

Right on cue, the rest of the sorry tale was drowned by the siren on the passing paramedic ambulance, and I knew the problem had been dealt with in a more timely fashion and it was safe to return to my gardening.

Thank goodness for mobile phones.

Dr Alan Greenwood

Warminster, Wiltshire


Horse head

I had a letter from an optician regarding a child whose mother was extremely anxious about her children’s health.

The letter recommended a referral for the investigation of headaches.

When the mother came in, I expected the usual long consultation with a demand for an urgent opinion.

However, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the child’s headaches had cleared after they realised that his riding helmet was too small.

Dr Mayur Shah

Roade, Northampton

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