Accent on bowels
I was doing an out-of-hours shift in Glasgow on a wet Saturday evening when a man in his twenties turned up presenting with lower abdominal and groin pains.
During the consultation I asked him how his bowels were.
He misunderstood me and replied that he had only one ball. I had to control my laughter but was unable to do so when I found, on examination, that he did only have one testicle.
Dr Rashid Khan, Glasgow, Scotland
I received a request for a visit to an old man with a very wheezy chest. Knowing how blue he sometimes became, I responded to this request fairly quickly.
However, when I arrived at the house there was no reply to my knocking. So thinking that he must be either deaf or dead, and without further ado, I walked into his house to be greeted by, 'Hello you cheeky bugger, shut the door, shut the door.'
It turned out that there was a parrot in the corner of the room.
Dr Sheila Edwards, Chinley, Stockport
Recently, a middle-aged couple attended my evening surgery just as it was time to close.
They had no appointment but, it being an emergency, the receptionist allowed them to enter.
The wife said to me: 'Doctor, my husband had a fall and broken his wrist. I would have come this morning, at a more convenient time, but he only fell 10 minutes ago.'
Dr Paul Neelamkavil, Bromley, London
Throw away comment
A receptionist asked me if I could kindly squeeze in one more patient
Apparently Mr Brown had lost some of his tablets, and feeling in a generous mood, I agreed.
In came Mr Brown with three huge bags of groceries which he proceeded to dump on to my desk: 'Thank you for seeing me doctor, I seem to have thrown away my disposable aspirin, could I possibly have some more?'
I couldn't help but think as I printed the prescription, who says patients don't read the information leaflets?
Dr Anita Bhatia, Barkingside, Essex.