A student walked in to my consulting room recently and announced: 'I think I've grown a third testicle.'
I couldn't help laughing.
It turned out to be an epididymal cyst.
Dr Paul Weston Smith, Ilkeston, Derbyshire
Great balls of fire
A colleague working in palliative care had a letter audio-typed by the medical secretary. The content included the sentence: 'This patient is wheelchair bound because of burning testes.'
It should have said: 'This patient is wheelchair bound because of bony metastases'.
Dr Elly Pycroft, Lymington, Hampshire
A weary working mother, who cared for her own mother suffering with Alzheimer's, asked a question as she left the surgery.
'Doctor, do you think I am becoming like my mother?', she enquired.
'Why?', I asked.
'Well, I borrowed a book about Alzheimer's from the library, and I completely forgot to take it back for over two weeks.'
Horrified, she added: 'And they charged me £1.20.'
Dr Dawn Trager, Cheadle, Cheshire
A patient came to see me to inform me that he was moving out of the area and that he needed to change his GP.
'Can I have my P45 please,' he enquired.
I replied that I was his GP and not his employer.
But his record revealed that I had prescribed him E45 skin cream.
Dr Subhash Chandra Bhatt, Glossop, Derbyshire
I recently saw an elderly gentleman with what appeared to be a straightforward UTI consultation. He complained of the usual urinary symptoms. I told him I would require a sample to test his urine.
I turned around in my chair to pass him a sample bottle, only to find he had dropped his pants and pointed his waterpipe in my direction.
Dr Paresh Parikh, Stalybridge, Cheshire
I received a present from a patient the other day: A textbook for the general public called Forbidden Drugs.
But when I looked at the inner front cover of the book I saw that it said 'property of the library at Wormwood Scrubs'.
So there's another use of the primary care service for you - returning your library books.
Dr Alick Munro, Cranford, Middlesex