Plain tales from the surgery 080208

The perfect doctor
The GPs at my practice have been discussing the rise of the Darzi centre and the APMS surge. It is a sad thought that before long GPs will wear a name badge with a logo attached. But my receptionist felt sure there will be patients eager to meet GPs in their red and orange uniform: the 'Easy-Virgin doctor'.

Dr Charles Parker, Topcliffe, North Yorkshire

Loosened up
One of my patients saw my other partner with constipation. She came back and saw me because her symptoms had not improved.

When I asked her what she was prescribed, she said, 'I'm not sure doctor, its something called "Let-to-loose".'

I smiled because I think she meant Lactulose which should have done the job for her.

Dr Badrul Esa, Leigh, Lancashire

Look on the bright side
Half way through a long consultation with someone who was as low as they had ever been, having lost his job, his partner having walked out and his landlord wanting to kick him out, we were disturbed by his phone.

There was something quite surreal as this almost suicidal 40-year-old turned off the ring tone, Walking on Sunshine.

Dr Andy Cohen, St Albans, Hertfordshire

Surprise visit
Years ago, before hand-held mobiles were banned while driving, I received a call while driving in town.

I was on duty and the call was from a woman about her granddaughter. I knew the family well and so I drove to their house.

While taking details of the symptoms, I pulled up outside the house, got out of my car, retrieved my case from the boot, and started up the stairs to the family's second floor flat.

Halfway up the stairs, the grandmother said: 'She's very unwell doctor, how long will you be?'

'Seven seconds,' I replied, and to her astonishment I opened the front door and walked in. The youngster was indeed unwell and made a full recovery.

Dr John Leonard, Falkirk, Scotland

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