Dr Tom Jones: Twas the night before D301:1 (a festive Read code poem)

It's the most wonderful time of the year, allegedly - a time, perhaps, when even the hard bitten world of general practice IT can't help but be swept up in a tide of festive joy.

So, to help poor, hard-working GPs feel the spirit of seasonal goodwill, I have teamed up with GPonline and Dr Read of Read code fame to bring you a classic Christmas poem with a medical twist.

Who among us doesn’t possess an inner geek? One that loves to stretch the Read code system to breaking point and beyond?

I know I do…so – grab a space under the EMIS-TLETOE, build yourself a SNOWMEDMan, and enjoy the following poem, which I have lovingly transcribed (using EMIS Web) from the 1823 original by Clement Clarke Moore.

I believe it may well be the first part-English/part-Read code Christmas poem in history.

But, ultimately – R2yz-1. Warning – some of the translations are very tenuous and may induce wincing or at the very least 1BX9...

A festive Read code poem

Twas the night before D301-1, when all through the 13CA,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a 43lW.

The 8D430 were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The 8C93 were nestled all snug in their 1A220-1,
While visions of 44T3-1 plums danc'd in their AD20-1,

And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my M1180-1,
Had just settled our 7N00 for a long winter's nap‍—‌

When out on the TG40 there arose such a clatter,
I PB30 from the bed to see what was the F21Y6.

Away to the window I flew like a E224-1,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the ALLERGY999NEMIS.

The 9NfK on the 9OHE of the new fallen U100,
Gave the 22D2 of mid-day to objects 8344E;

When, what to my wondering 22E1 should 47H,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny A21-1,

With a little old 9EG, so lively and 62O1-1,
I knew in a moment it must be St. M12y8-1.

More R050-1 than eagles his coursers they 9Y0,
And he PKy53, and 1P40, and called them by name:

"Now! Dasher, now! 0465, now! Prancer and Vixen,
"On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! ALLERGY1836 and Blitzen;

"To the top of the porch! To the top of the 1D22!
"Now 38Qm away! 38Qm away! 38Qm away all!"

Greetings of the Season to one and all!

Eat, drink and – above all – be merry.

Festive Read code glossary

R2yz-1 = God only knows

1BX9 = Light sleep

D301-1 = Christmas disease

13CA = Housebound ***

43lW = Mouse urine rast test

8D430 = Anti-thrombotic stockings

8C93 = Children reassured

1A220-1 = Bedwetting

44T3-1 = Post-prandial blood sugar

AD20-1 = Head lice

M1180-1 = Cradle cap

7N00 = Brain tissue

TG40 = Accident caused by powered lawnmower

PB30 = Hirschprung’s disease (sorry)

F21Y6 = Vanishing white matter disease

E224-1= Flasher

ALLERGY999NEMIS = Adverse reaction to Sash

9NfK = Requires info in Moon alphabet

9OHE = Patient breast aware

U100 = Fall involving ice and snow

22D2 = Hair lacks lustre

8344E = Below knee non weight-bearing cast

22E1 = Eyes - NAD

47H = Faeces Appearance

A21-1 = Deerfly fever

9EG = Disabled driver badge report

62O1-1 = Quickening

M12y8-1 = Nickel Sensitivity

R050-1 = Rapid Heartbeat

9Y0= Patient came for a second opinion

PKy53 = Whistling face syndrome

1P40 = Inappropriate shouting

0465 = Dancer

ALLERGY1836 = Adverse reaction to alka-donna

1D22 = Chest wall

38Qm = D.A.S.H. checklist

Return to poem

Have you registered with us yet?

Register now to enjoy more articles and free email bulletins

Register

Already registered?

Sign in

Follow Us:

Just published

UK COVID-19 vaccination programme tracker

UK COVID-19 vaccination programme tracker

GPs across the UK are playing a leading role in the largest-ever NHS vaccination...

CVT risk from COVID-19 infection 'significantly higher' than from vaccines, study suggests

CVT risk from COVID-19 infection 'significantly higher' than from vaccines, study suggests

The risk of cerebral venous thrombosis (CVT) following COVID-19 infection is eight...

‘Warm and kind’ retired Derbyshire GP dies from COVID-19

‘Warm and kind’ retired Derbyshire GP dies from COVID-19

Retired Derbyshire GP Dr Om Prakash Chawla, who was known for his warmth and kindness,...

GPs can learn from pandemic to strengthen relationship with patients, says RCGP chair

GPs can learn from pandemic to strengthen relationship with patients, says RCGP chair

General practice can build on changes to care during the COVID-19 pandemic to strengthen...

Surrey GP practice targeted by aggressive anti-vaccination poster

Surrey GP practice targeted by aggressive anti-vaccination poster

Staff at a GP surgery in Surrey have been left completely demoralised after they...

JCVI issues final guidance on phase 2 of COVID-19 vaccination programme

JCVI issues final guidance on phase 2 of COVID-19 vaccination programme

The JCVI has confirmed the next phase of the COVID-19 vaccination programme will...