The brilliance of homoeopathy

I don't know why they make such a fuss about nuclear power; the fall-out will probably be lovely and an extra bit of radioactivity will encourage our genes to mutate and adapt that bit more quickly.

OK, the oil and coal are running out and wind and wave energy is giving us only a trickle, but the answer is staring us right in the the face.

An alternative energy source that is not only powerful but also safe and wonderful and innocent and so hip it could be wearing kaftans is homoeopathy.

It's brilliant: the more you dilute it, the stronger it gets.

You get into your homoeopathic car and drive to work (though you might have a chat to it for an hour before ignition, as part of the homoeopathic process). If you get sick, check in at the homoeopathic hospital for some more water and another nice long chat (funded, amazingly by the NHS).

Because it's only water, it's dead cheap and there are no side-effects.

I believe Ryanair is making enquiries (oil is just another unnecessary luxury, isn't it, like pilots).

Prince Charles is a big supporter, but we don't have his equivalent in Ireland and I wish we did.

Someone with no qualifications whatsoever and a hankering for the feudal system and its associated Gothic architecture would be ideal.

We are ignoring 10,000-years of tradition, he says, from those halcyon days when nobody lived to more than 40, although even then Ye Royal It's A Knockout Tournament was considered a bit embarrassing.

And the evidence becomes even more compelling. I listened to a debate on BBC Five Live this morning, when a journalist from New Scientist was unreasonably suggesting that NHS patients only receive treatments that are proven to work.

Thank goodness we had two GPs to represent the views of the coal face, those out-on-the-streets-with-the-kids doctors. Both of them use homoeopathy and gave us plenty of anecdotal evidence about how brilliant and safe it is. It's like Santa Claus; we find the presents next morning, so he must exist, and don't we all feel better for it.

Even more convincingly, another caller rang up to describe how his dog had dermatitis and he brought it to a homoeopathic vet who gave it a homoeopathic treatment and amazingly, can you believe it, against all the odds, the dog got better and apparently was so impressed that he (the dog) himself is taking a diploma in homoeopathy at the Royal School for Homoeopathy.

The sceptics are clearly barking up the wrong tree.

- Dr Farrell is a GP from County Armagh.

Email him at GPcolumnists@haynet.com.

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