A lady came to see me about her worsening 'crap-it is' in her knees. Apparently she had seen our senior partner years ago and the original diagnosis had been made. Now it was getting worse.
I quickly reassured her about her crepitus.
- Dr Jeremy Welch, Tewkesbury, Gloucestershire
Giving him the needle
While at a function, an elderly male collapsed and we were asked to help. Flapping over him was a lady in a yellow outfit who was neither friend nor family.
After repeatedly asking her to move out of the way, we started CPR, during which she said: 'Thankfully I have some needles in my purse.' She then pulled off the man's socks and performed acupuncture to his feet.
After a while, the paramedics turned up and took him to the hospital where he recovered.
At a party the following day, the lady announced that she saved him. Who are we to argue?
- Dr Cindy Cohen, Southwark, south-east London
Unplanned GI issues
At my patient's request, I dictated a letter to her boss asking him to supply her with cotton gloves to wear inside her rubber ones, as the latex was causing a troublesome dermatitis.
Our secretary typed out: 'I wonder if there are any special, non-allergic gloves you can provide for her with her dermatitis, or at least a good supply of cotton innards?'
- Dr John Ogle, Bridgwater, Somerset
Driving the point home
One of my patients is recovering from brain surgery. He is keen to start driving again so I wrote to the neurosurgeon. He replied and copied his opinion to the patient. He advised a conservative approach and added: 'I would be grateful if you would contact the DVLA as the sooner you get the wheels moving, the sooner it will make a decision'.
My patient brought his copy in to discuss this confusing sentence. I speculated that maybe the surgeon was trying to drive home his point.
- Dr Mark Hayward, Plymouth, Devon
We pay £25 for each Plain Tale published. Please mark entries 'Plain Tales' and send them to GPletters@haymarket.com with your contact details.