Plain Tales from the Surgery

Plenty of h'omega 3

We all must have seen patients whose 'ead is 'urting, or who have hitchy h'eyes.

Today I was a little baffled by a man with coronary heart disease who told me that he had 'a hake in the side of his chest'.

I was not sure if was me or the vet he wanted to see, but at least I was satisfied that he had had his daily quota of omega 3.

  • Dr Richard Edwards, Castle Vale, Birmingham

Not my colour
I was reading through the notes of a 20-year-old patient.

He had seen a colleague a month or so earlier concerning both a psychological problem and for a review after an ear infection.

My colleague had noted: 'Admits to being very conscious about his appearance. The antibiotics didn't suit him.'

I was tempted to clarify what the patient had been doing with the antibiotics!

  • Dr Andy Cohen, Bushey Heath, Hertfordshire

Brown ale or magnolia
Having to trawl through some patient notes for yet another PCT exercise, I came across one patient's registration form which, when asked about alcohol consumption, read: 'Two paints a day'.

I wondered if this was brown ale, magnolia, or red bull****?

I just hope he didn't get plastered, as well. Probably his name was Matt.

  • Ray Read, Practice manager, London

Miracle solution
I was consultated today by a 71-year-old gentleman who had recently had a change of bowel habit.

He had been prescribed a drug that had helped significantly and he asked for a repeat while he was at the surgery.

'Can I have some more Miracle, doctor?' he said.

Unable to stifle a laugh, I corrected him: 'You mean Movicol don't you, not Miracle?'

He looked at me with a wry smile and said: 'Well it was a Miracle for me.'

Another amusing case for my file of fun.

  • Dr Jeremy Cohen, Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire
  • We pay £25 for each Plain Tale published. Please mark entries 'Plain Tales' and send them to GPletters@haymarket.com with your contact details.

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