Plain Tales from the Surgery

Ask Trisha
One of the receptionists sent me a note saying a patient wanted a call back regarding her test results of infidelity, instead of infertility.

I politely suggested that the patient contact the Trisha show for instant results and advice.

Dr Aparna Yalamanchili, Coventry, West Midlands

Beastly weight issue
I weighed a female patient the other day and found her BMI was above 30, and told her so as kindly as I could.

Sadly she took offence saying: 'I know I'm a big girl, but calling me "a beast" is a bit unkind.'

Perhaps I will stick to 'a little overweight' rather than 'obese' in future.

Dr Phil Needham, Burton on Trent, Staffordshire

Holistic treatment
I referred a lady to ENT for a large eardrum perforation.

I was a little concerned my ENT colleagues are taking the holistic approach a little too far, informing me that her history included angina and 'rental failure'.

Perhaps the fitting of the hearing aid they have organised will avoid any further confusion with her landlord.

Dr Anthony Crofts-Barnes, Nottingham

Eye, eye
I recently saw a patient who required fundoscopy.

When I said I wanted to look at the back of his eyes, he promptly stood up. When I asked him why, he replied that it was so I would have no difficulty in removing his eyes to look at the back of them.

I was waiting for him to laugh or to tell me he was joking, but he was serious ...

Dr Velautham Kuhan, Romford, Essex

Long-term solutions
During a routine contraception counselling, I asked my patient if she would like to consider long-term contraceptive options.

While I was fiddling with the LARC leaflets, she admitted: 'I have thought of long term contraception, actually - a divorce!'

We both burst into laughter.

Dr Divya Chawla, Lytham St Anne's, Lancashire

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