Plain Tales from the Surgery

Holiday romance

I wasn't quite sure whether one of my patients was planning a second honeymoon in the Canary Islands when she asked me when her 'Madeira coil' needed to be changed.

  • Dr David Radley, Malvern, Worcestershire

Careful with acronyms
My non-medical sister went to see her GP about having a fibroma removed.

When I enquired what happened, she replied: 'It was very strange, he said he's sending me to a gypsy to get it removed'.

I think she had pictured having her lump removed in the back of a caravan. I cleared up her misunderstanding about GPSIs, but we really should be careful with our use of abbreviations, especially to lay people.

  • Dr Amina Rahman, Faversham, Kent

Exotic travels
I saw a gentleman last week with flu-like symptoms. After a few salient points I asked about whether he had been travelling, particularly to Mexico in the past few weeks.

He laughed and replied: 'Only Texaco, does that count?'

  • Dr James Penn, Leeds, Yorkshire

Senses overload
Like many doctors, I have a sub-clinical addiction to caffeine but even I was momentarily put off by one patient this week.

He described the tube inserted to drain his urine as his cafetiere.

  • Dr Jeremy Phipps, Market Deeping, Lincolnshire

I've got a funny rash
A middle aged man came to see me last week complaining of a rash on his trunk. He has a history of seborrhoeic eczema.

He showed me the rash on his neck and chest, then came closer, simultaneously lowering his trousers. 'It is also in my genitals, doctor,' he said.

I prescribed the appropriate cream in preference to my immediate thoughts of a referral to a rabbi for a quick circumcision.

  • Dr Andrew Hardman, Stockport, Cheshire

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