Plain tales from the surgery

Emotional tale

I was countersigning a colleague's referral letters and came across one she had dictated regarding a patient who was passing blood in her stools.

The new secretary had typed this as: 'She is passing blood with her emotions.'

Dr Prerna Sharma, Stoke Poges, Buckinghamshire

Take a seat
Usually when patients walk into the consulting room I wish them good morning and say 'Please take a seat'.

But a regular patient of mine picked up a chair before I could even say 'hello'.

'But, doctor, the chair does not fit in my car, so how can I take it?' he asked.

It took me few seconds to realise the joke.

Dr Aparna Yalamanchili, Coventry, West Midlands

Injection quarter
Looking at the appointment screen for my morning surgery recently, I was a little mystified by the notes for one patient who was booked in for a 'Quarter Zone' injection. I couldn't decide if this was tacit criticism of my injection placement skills.

It turned out that my patient wanted a cortisone steroid injection into her knee and I am happy to report that all went well.

Meantime, my receptionist has been despatched to the Twilight Zone for a spelling lesson.

Dr Adam Kowalczyk, Eldene, Swindon

Mind the idiom
While working out of hours, I had a phone call from a relative of a patient. I was told that the gentleman in question - whose past medical history included a knee amputation due to peripheral vascular disease - was apparently so poorly that he could not 'put one foot in front of the other'.

Dr Michael Weymar, Wittibreut, Germany

Loveless after a snip
We have just received a PCT email circular about the new providers of our vasectomy services. The signatory? Fiona Loveless.

You just couldn't make it up!

Dr Peter Swinyard, Toothill, Swindon

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