I was countersigning a colleague's referral letters and came across one she had dictated regarding a patient who was passing blood in her stools.
The new secretary had typed this as: 'She is passing blood with her emotions.'
Dr Prerna Sharma, Stoke Poges, Buckinghamshire
Take a seat
Usually when patients walk into the consulting room I wish them good morning and say 'Please take a seat'.
But a regular patient of mine picked up a chair before I could even say 'hello'.
'But, doctor, the chair does not fit in my car, so how can I take it?' he asked.
It took me few seconds to realise the joke.
Dr Aparna Yalamanchili, Coventry, West Midlands
Looking at the appointment screen for my morning surgery recently, I was a little mystified by the notes for one patient who was booked in for a 'Quarter Zone' injection. I couldn't decide if this was tacit criticism of my injection placement skills.
It turned out that my patient wanted a cortisone steroid injection into her knee and I am happy to report that all went well.
Meantime, my receptionist has been despatched to the Twilight Zone for a spelling lesson.
Dr Adam Kowalczyk, Eldene, Swindon
Mind the idiom
While working out of hours, I had a phone call from a relative of a patient. I was told that the gentleman in question - whose past medical history included a knee amputation due to peripheral vascular disease - was apparently so poorly that he could not 'put one foot in front of the other'.
Dr Michael Weymar, Wittibreut, Germany
Loveless after a snip
We have just received a PCT email circular about the new providers of our vasectomy services. The signatory? Fiona Loveless.
You just couldn't make it up!
Dr Peter Swinyard, Toothill, Swindon
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