Plain tales from the surgery

Profane antibiotics

Recently I was called to attend a possible mental health sectioning at a patient's house. I was keen to find out how the patient had been keeping. He explained he was also just getting over a chest infection. On further questioning about medication he said: 'Thanks doctor, those anti-biollocks really helped.' I nodded reassuringly.
Dr Deboshree Basu, Harlow, Essex

Sweet sleep
Not long ago while I was a GP registrar a middle-aged lady came to see me and asked me to prescribe her some 'marzipan, it's amazing at getting me to sleep when I'm stressed'.

I told her I was fond of marzipan too, preferably with a chocolate coating. It didn't take me long to work out from her bewilderment that she was after some more temazepam.
Dr Richard Weiler, St Albans, Hertfordshire

Dirty holiday feet
A young mother came in to see me on return from a Mediterranean cruise.

She had a lesion on the sole of her left foot which, she assured me, had not been present when she had her pre-cruise pedicure a fortnight earlier.

She was concerned as this lesion was irregular and dark.

On initial inspection, I must say I was concerned too. It was a small irregular very dark lesion 2mm in diameter with some irregular pigmentation adjacent to it.

I was about to reach for my dictaphone to dictate an urgent dermatology referral, when I thought I should have a closer look.

Imagine my surprise when, trying to stretch the skin to look at it under a dermatoscope, my thumb nail caught the 'lesion' and most of it came away off the skin.

More determined scraping completely cured her of her suspected malignant melanoma.

Relief ensued all around, and she left the surgery one happy and relieved patient who was able to book her next cruise to the Caribbean and begin reading another long book.
Dr Jeremy Cohen, Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire

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