Plain Tales from the Surgery

Please believe me
I recently met a patient who, from her notes, had been seen by my colleague on numerous occasions with various minor aches, pains and complaints.

'Dr K thinks I'm a hypochondriac,' she complained, before telling me all about her pelvic and abdominal pain.

Noticing she'd had an endoscopy arranged, I asked why she hadn't attended for it.

'I wanted to,' she said, 'but then I looked at the referral letter, and saw that it said hypochondrial pain, so I knew the doctor didn't believe me.'

A quick anatomical explanation ended her distress.

Dr Louisa Shillito, Loughton, Essex

Redundant care
'I've been having some problems with my P45,' opened Mr Jones.

'I'm note sure what I can do to help you with that,' I replied.

'But I've been putting it everywhere and it's still not helping.'

I took me some time to realise that his dry skin wasn't improving with E45 cream.

Dr Andy Cohen, Bushey, Hertfordshire

A wee problem
I work in prison healthcare where I recently saw an elderly but well patient.

He mentioned that he was having problems urinating.

He told me that sometimes he had the urge to go frequently, but added that it did not hurt or sting when he passed urine.

I asked him what he thought the problem may be to which he replied that it could be a 'prostitute problem'.

I think he meant a prostate problem.

Dr Vilwanathan Anandaraj, Yaxley, Peterborough

Immaculate reception
A delighted prospective grandmother recently informed me that her daughter and son-in-law had been aided by the local infertility clinic in achieving a pregnancy using VHF, or very high frequency, which is a radio range used to transmit FM.

Well done Radio 2...

Dr Ian Heatley, Wimborne, Dorset

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