Plain tales from the surgery

Vicious medication 
A patient came in with a recurrence of conjunctivitis. She said the drops she had last time were good but they must have been very strong because they were marked 'vicious'.

Happily I was able to tell her that Fucithalmic eye drops are only 'viscous'.

She was very relieved.

Dr Sue Drake, Botesdale, Suffolk

Child's play
My family and I were driving home when my daughter piped up: 'Daddy, this book isn't very interesting, it's full of numbers and strange names.'

Realising she was reading the BNF I keep in the car, I explained that it wasn't meant for her, but that I used it at work.

Quick as a flash she replied: 'Well, why is it called BNF for Children then?'

Dr Stephen Harper Thame, Oxfordshire

Out and about
I was discussing the merits of exercise with a middle-aged patient with simple low back pain and suggested that an active lifestyle was the way forward.

'Oh not me doc, I get out all the time. I went the cinema twice yesterday,' he said.

I'm not quite sure that he'd got the hang of it.

Dr Andy Cohen St Albans, Hertfordshire

Read code for dogs
An elderly lady with aortic stenosis was seen by the out-of-hours service because she felt faint. The triage note states that she has a 'doggy heart valve that needs to be replaced'.

Does anyone know the Read code for this?

Dr Paul Heatley Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire

Italian at heart
One of my patients with ischaemic heart disease came in to tell me he'd had a successful antipasti operation.

Although I understood what he really meant, I did find myself wondering if the PCT had gone completely mad and awarded an APMS contract to an Italian restaurant.

Dr Jon Mymin Cockfosters, London

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