Plain Tales from the Surgery

- Twenty-one again

Twenty-one again

I recently visited an 83-year-old woman who had had a fall.

She felt the need to explain to me that it was her birthday soon and that she would be 21 as she only celebrated every fourth birthday. I asked if she was having a party.

'Yes,' she replied. 'But I hope that it's not as wild as my 18th'

Now that's what I call having a great outlook on life.

Dr Anthony Crofts-Barnes, Ilkeston, Derbyshire

Deja vu

At the end of a consultation with a delightful gentleman who had memory problems, he crossed the room and picked up a bottle of wine that I had received from another patient and presented it to me, wishing me a merry Christmas.

Not wanting to offend him I thanked him politely, whereupon his wife plucked his present from her bag and thrust it into his hand.

He replied by saying he had forgotten that he had brought his own present. However, he still declined the offer of a referral to the memory clinic.

Dr David Little, Warminster, Wiltshire

Mistaken identity

As I came out of the golf club after the annual staff Christmas lunch, I noticed a patient staggering up to his car.

I offered to drive him home. His initial reluctance was soon overcome when told about the extra vigilance police are keeping at the yuletide.

He was grateful and gave precise directions to his house. In true yuletide spirit, I handed him over to his wife with firm instructions not to let him drive today.

She looked at him and said: 'Thank you doctor. He is not my husband; my husband won't be too pleased to see him.'

Dr Kausar A Jafri, Stoke-on-Trent

Growing pains

A pregnant woman attended for an unrelated problem and whilst on her way to the door groaned and arched her back, patting her very prominent abdomen.

'Are you ok?' I enquired.

'Yes,' she said, 'just a Braxton Hicks constriction. I learnt all about them on the internet.'

I smiled. Thank goodness for the education offered by modern technology.

Dr Nerys Williams, Birmingham.

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