Plain Tales from the Surgery

Forgettable clinic

A patient of mine had not received any follow-up after her initial attendance at the local memory clinic.

So I re-referred her and requested a review. The consultant's letter of reply said that they had 'forgotten to send her a follow-up appointment'.

Dr Hilary Allen, Bridgwater, Somerset

The ugly truth
A 'cosmetically challenged' gentleman came to see me, absolutely delighted that his recent facial surgery had been successful and had corrected his rather unfortunately large jaw.

As he was leaving, he said cheerfully: 'Well, my missus and I can start trying for a family now. We didn't before, in case they ended up looking like me, but I guess we're OK now'.

A brief discussion covering the basics of genetics then ensued, but I can not help wondering if I convinced him that it was only his jaw that had been spliced rather than his DNA.

Well, surgeons do believe they can work miracles after all.

Dr Stephanie Hughes, Curdridge, Hampshire

Shopping scrips
A receptionist asked me if I could kindly squeeze in one more patient; apparently Mr Brown had lost some of his tablets. So, feeling in a generous mood I agreed.

In came Mr Brown with three huge bags of groceries which he proceeded to dump on to my desk and said: 'Thank you for seeing me doctor, I seem to have thrown away my disposable aspirin. Could I possibly have some more?'

I couldn't help but think as I printed the prescription, who says patients don't read the information leaflets.

Dr Anita Bhatia Barkingside, Essex

Herbal hang-ups
A patient of mine dropped in a letter to confirm the herbal remedies she was on.

The list was amazing, it read: devil's claw, evening primrose oil, ginseng, milk thistle, bilberry extract, zinc, magnesium, cinnamon, echinacea, aloe vera, garlic, cod liver oil, cranberry and bear berry.

If these work why does she see me on such a regular basis? I'll have to ask her that next time.

Dr Thomas Busch, Boston, Lincolnshire.

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