Plain Tales from the Surgery

CAUSE FOR CONCERN

A patient was worried she had hit an early menopause following her hysterectomy, so I sent an FSH/LH sample to the laboratory. I quoted the following information on the request form: 'Patient concerned, menopausal symptoms, hysterectomy with conserved ovaries'.

The patient was relieved with her pre-menopausal result but we both chuckled when we read the reiterated clinical details on the laboratory link: Hysterectomy with 'concerned' ovaries. We had no idea they had feelings.

Dr Sarah Smith, Chepstow, Monmouthshire

FIT TO FROLIC

She did not look too sprightly as she wheezed into the surgery. After we discussed her breathlessness, I deduced that she had a rather sedentary old age.

I was therefore surprised when she ventured: 'Could I have some more frolic acid?'

Perhaps she understood it to have more properties than just the treatment of her anaemia. I did not want to deprive her of a possible beneficial placebo effect.

Dr Alistair Appleby, Riverside, Stirling

ALL IN THE MIND

A lovely couple I have known for a few years attended my surgery. The lady could not leave her pleasantly demented husband at home, so brought him along. He sat there with a gentle smile.

At the end of the consultation, I remarked that he appeared to be more alert. She said: 'You should know what happened when he was in hospital.'

She told me that he had slipped and caught his face on the edge of the side table and was bleeding from a small cut. When he gathered himself up, he asked her: 'Who started the shooting, them or us?'

He was still smiling.

Dr K Kangesan, Sydenham, London

SINS OF THE FLESH

I referred an overweight man to the dietitian. In the letter I said: 'This businessman spends three nights each week in hotels, where he admits he succumbs to temptation, which probably contributes to his problem.'

Unfortunately, the intended department was not printed on the referral letter and an appointments clerk allocated it to the STI clinic.

Dr David Carvel, Biggar, Lanarkshire.

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