Rugby spider injury
The other day a patient of ours ended up in the orthopaedic clinic with a very nasty injury to his knee after a game of rugby.
I am all in favour of trying any new treatments that might save our beloved health service some money, but when the letter came back saying that I had given him an 'arthropod', I really could not see how this was going to help his problem!
Dr David Jenkins, Ferryside, Carmarthenshire
A little confused
I was required to take the details of a new elderly patient, unknown to me, in the community hospital and only had a few minutes to do so before the start of my evening surgery. The only history which had accompanied the patient stated 'confused'.
What with being in such a hurry I launched into my enquiry of the patient without first introducing myself.
After the first two or three questions this rather aristocratic lady held up her hand and said: 'Are you a doctor?'
Somewhat contrite I replied: 'Yes, or at least I think I am,' whereupon my patient gave the very insightful reply: 'Are you confused too?'
We went on to become good friends.
Dr Jeremy Duncan Brown, Lichfield, Staffordshire
A patient asked me to check the medical information that he had entered into his disability living allowance form.
In the box where the diagnosis was to be entered he wrote: 'skipophrenia and post-Titanic stress disorder.'
I think he needs to be seen by a docker!
Dr Owen Gallagher, Glenavy, Country Antrim
An elderly couple came in so that the man could discuss the new tablets he had been put on by the hospital doctor following a heart attack.
I noticed that he had been started on a beta-blocker and, in view of his history of diabetes, decided to ask about his sexual function. He replied a little shyly, that he had not had sex for a number of years, but after some further questioning we established that he was able to maintain an erection and achieve ejaculation.
I explained that this was all great news as it meant that he was in good health. I then apologised to his wife for asking such personal questions, but assured her it was all very pertinent to the consultation.
Whereupon she replied: 'Oh I'm not his wife, I just help him with his shopping.'
I dread to think of the awkward silence on the journey home.
Dr Stephanie Hughes, Curdridge, Hampshire.