Plain Tales from the Surgery 180108

Nervous numbskull
A colleague of mine saw an anxious patient who had sustained a head laceration.

She was pressing for a CT scan of her head since she wanted a diagnosis for the continued lack of sensation to the area.

It was explained to her that this was likely to be due to some minor superficial nerve damage and should settle with time and that a scan was not indicated.

'Could it be permanent?,' the patient asked in earnest.

This was a possibility.

'But what would happen then doctor?,' she whimpered.

'Well then you would be a numbskull,' was the flat response she received.

Unfortunately, having a name for her condition did not seem to help.

Dr Brent Prior, Stockport, Manchester

Formal procedures
A patient attended with a request from his employers. Apparently they wanted a green MC10 form from me.

Despite having filled in a plethora of forms over the years this request had me baffled.

We consulted Google. The patient is now pondering his options between a 1984 Tandy computer and a patented sewage pump.

Dr Ian Hamilton, Belfast

German skin care
A 63 year old diabetic patient attended for a review.

He had recently suffered from various episodes of cellulitis affecting both lower legs and had now started to develop the occasional blistering lesion.

'No disrespect to yourselves', the patient said.

'But I went to the pharmacist and they said I should come and see you and ask to be referred to a Germantologist.'

I smiled and agreed but resisted replying that indeed our Bavarian brethren were somewhat expert in these matters.

Dr Robin Poole, Canterbury, Kent

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