Plain tales from the surgery 110108

That sinking feeling
I was talking to a patient with depression recently. I asked her the usual questions about her sleep patterns and interests. I also asked if anything in particular was on her mind at that moment.

She mentioned that she had been thinking about the Humber Bridge a lot.

I was concerned that she was suicidal, as a number of our patients suffering with depression have considered jumping from this local landmark.

'Have you been thinking about jumping off of it recently?' I asked.

'Oh no,' she replied. 'I would never do that, I can't swim.'

Dr Steve Wright Cleethorpes, Lincolnshire

Marvellous medicine
One evening in my local pub I overheard the following exchange between two of my elderly patients who were standing out of sight behind the other side of the bar.

'Well how did you get on at the doctor's then?', said one.

'Marvellous, he gave me some really strong pills for my backache,' replied the other man.

'What were they then?'

'Co, something, they were called co-blimey-mols.'

I nearly choked on my Guinness trying to suppress my laughter.

Dr Alan Greenwood, Warminster, Wiltshire

Heart support
A 68-year-old patient recently attended the practice after having suffered an acute coronary syndrome.

He loudly asked the female receptionist for some more of the 'Playtex' he'd been given in hospital and was surprised at her reaction.

Unfortunately for him, I was only able to offer him some Plavix but I wished him the best of luck.

Hopefully they'll be as helpful as the 'cross your heart' variety.

Dr Jonathon Church, Basingstoke, Hampshire

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