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Rare sports

One of our patients was seen at a colorectal clinic, where the surgeon took a full social history.

He found out that up until the patient had had a hip replaced, he had been keen on 'playing bowels and golf'.

Dr Iain Forth, Fortrose, Ross-shire

Everything crossed
I saw a 60-year-old lady with a history of sudden onset heavy per vaginam discharge. She is sexually active. I prescribed fluconazole capsules with a follow-up triple swab and review.

During her review, she was happy to report that her symptoms had settled down. I wished her well, adding that we should keep our fingers crossed that her symptoms did not recur, to which she said: 'I will keep my fingers and legs crossed.'

Dr Padmakumari Muthuswamy, Nottingham

Oral health
Reviewing my notes concerning an elderly lady, I noticed a typo which conjured up a wonderful mental image.

Having advised this patient to receive Calogen emulsion, I had actually written 'poor oral intake, not feeling as well as previously, try collagen.'

She might have been keen, but I'm not sure the PCT would have funded it.

Dr Barney Tinsley, Harrogate, West Yorkshire

Sexist supposition
I recently saw a middle-aged farmer who was suffering from severe nasal polyps. I said he could opt to use nasal steroids or have surgery instead.

He was keener on the surgery, saying: 'I believe there are two types of polyps: male and female. Is it possible to remove the female ones, so that I do not have to suffer throughout my life?'

Dr Priyanka Singh, Chester, Cheshire

Cutting edge treatment
A patient who had been suffering chronic effects of haemochromatosis reported her vivisection treatments were going well. I wonder what this experimental-sounding treatment entails.

Dr Ed Newson, St Neots, Cambridgeshire

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